I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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