there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
