So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize