i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
