Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
