I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
