i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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