I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My bed smells like the plague
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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