Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
