I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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