Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
