Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
