Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
