He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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