ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
