let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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