I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
