the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
