Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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