True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
