i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
