Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
