Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
