I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
