You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
