I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
