I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
