Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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