I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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