Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
