he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
