How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
