So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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