I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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