I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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