It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
