Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
