I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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