You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
