I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He felt like a one man threesome
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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