OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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