I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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