Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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