i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
