I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
