A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
