wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
