Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
