Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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