Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
