you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
