Nicole vs. Life
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
