can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
