i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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