Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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