Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
