OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
