i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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