Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
