Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
