Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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