I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize