I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
