Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize