i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
