Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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