I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
