we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
