I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
