If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
