you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
