Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
