I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
