No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
