after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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