respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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