Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
