Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You need a sexual gate keeper
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
