I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
