I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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