Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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