Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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