everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize