why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
