I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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