Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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