I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
