They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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