Someone shit on the floor
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
