Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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