You really coming over, don't trick.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Im part way to drunk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
