'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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