drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
