May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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