So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
