The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
